Celebrity Verses Poetry: Choupette Lagerfeld

Spoiled Pussies

(written about hearing that Karl Lagerfeld’s cat is fronting a makeup line) CATS

Our pet, Choupette!
The anointed cat queen of fashion,
Karl Lagerfeld’s own pussy
has her own makeup line!

Huzzah ye graceless apes,
a touch of the female feline
has descended to add mystery,
grace, and disdain to animal-tested,
Choupette-approved cosmetics.

Oh, Internet! You have truly called
them, world over, to roost in our hearts:
cats grumpy, lil’, and in-box—
the true bringers of a new dawn.

Let them replace our models, our actors,
our sportsmen and ambassadors
make this planet of the apes into
an orb adorb!

And when the inevitable war emerges
the mission shall be accomplished
with machine water guns and dangly objects
until we await the dawn of the Reign of Sloth.

 

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