Celebrity Verses Poetry: Hobby Lobby: Uteral Defenders


Apocalypse N.O.W.

Weep, ye Hobby Lobbyist uteri!
For the patriarchal reproductive Armageddon
has descended upon shrinky dink and
popsicle log cabin aisles,
five horsemen of the supreme-pocalypse
riding through fluorescent linoleum
pipe cleaner bead busting hangars
of REAL America,
seizing sleeves of Yaz
from vested HL peasants
deigning to treat endometriosis
or debilitating cramps or
make their own God-damned decisions
because His own right-hand CEO
cannot have these proto-babies die
since egg and sperm existed
within 85 mm of one another and
are therefore souls destined
for the divine’s shielding.

And this righteousness shall descend
upon all hobbykind, regardless of
bodily autonomy
or sufficient mental capacity to
assume their life is their own,
for any chance of impregnation
(known as woman, or womb)
must be held delicately in the
sanctified gaze of David Green, CEO
of Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc.
and the guardian of the
pearly, milky gates
of my fallopian freeway.


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