Celebrity Verses Poetry: Kate Upton (but really, boobs)



America thy boobs are full


O bountiful, o spacious thighs
for blond hair waves heat-tamed
for Upton’s Mountains’ Majesty,
below the mooted brain.

America, America!
We love our big boobed blondes!
And body snark is not withheld
from perfect-bodied babes.

Oh!  How curvy!  She has fat
(in her tits)
and at some unflattering
angles one might catch
a hint of roll
where only muscle skeleton
should support the poundage
of our since-birth fascination.

Oh America!
Festishists of infantilized
stacked sexy babies,
hipless titted giraffes,
all acute angled akimbo
suckling their own teats.

Let us celebrate
the compartmentalized
curviness, the secondary
sex organs that equal
slain sexism
breathing sighs of relief
as we can finally allow
our fat to repatriate
to Tit-onia
as long as our mouths
move in moans
and mirrored misogyny
and our voices
pitch high and hollow,
praising the patriarchs
that value our tits’ opinions.


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