Celebrity Verses Poetry: Please Stop Beliebin’

Bieber

Please Stop Beliebin’

Oh dear
someone’s replaced our
beautiful young lesbian
with Vanilla Ice
and given him
the soul of that guy
in high school
that got laid
before everyone else.

Breathable, drooping slacks
the key to airing out
newly whet balls

Oh, Pattie,
why didn’t you opt for
a 60th trimester
abortion?

Now your zygote
is bucket-pissing
and drag racing,
filling lungs with chronic
instead of precious
amniotic oxygen!

I move that we shove him back
up into the cultural womb
(aka Canada)
watch his tattooed skin
rubbed clean
by that Benjamin Button shit,
devolving into sperm and egg,
he never more tolerable
than as gonads.

Oh Selena!  Oh America!
Let him into that reverse cocoon
and emerge divided,
let chromosomes X and Y
each court Usher
and have Youtube channels,
create those bedoubters
so that they don’t believe
in our little Tinkerbell.

Follow Christina Shideler on Twitter